Thyroid Tired

thyroid tired

I am sick. I have very unstable hormones. The clinic forgot to refill my medication before my vacation. So I’ve been taking the higher dose pill that was left. When I came back from vacation, I was in the middle of transferring pharmacies and there was a problem with the refill. There was none. These all transpired over the weekend where the Clinic was closed. I’ve been out of Synthroid for a few days. Let me tell you something, it ain’t good at all.

I work in the ER and it’s always busy. But in the middle of charting, I’m falling asleep. Yes I know it’s a dangerous place to work when you’re hypothyroid and you have brain fog. That’s why I move so slow and I had to check the orders with the patient’s name, like, 10x. In ER, you have to move and think fast. In my case, I’d rather be slow than make a mistake.

So on my day off, if exhaustion could kill, I would be dead. I don’t even have the energy of a slow turtle. I’m practically useless. I sleep all day, I wake up and sleep some more. I don’t even have any energy to eat. I called the Clinic after Memorial day to remind them about the refill. I even texted my Charge Nurse to put me in triage or dispo because I ran out of Synthroid. But I wasn’t able to go to work the next day. I wasn’t even able to call in sick. I wasn’t even planning on missing work. My body just didn’t function. So I called the hospital and told them I couldn’t work because I was sick, thyroid sick.

As soon as I got my refill, I went to work the next day even if I know that the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet. Luckily, I have very supportive co-workers. My Charge Nurse even called and asked where I want to work that day. I chose fast track because I don’t have to deal with critical patients. But I’ve been struggling.

The next working day, I had to work in triage with 20+ patients waiting, then got switched to work on the green side at 1pm to care for a patient who got bit by a rattlesnake, with the swelling on her arm rapidly spreading. I still have other patients with pending orders and a Nurse Practitioner who was on my neck asking if I’ve already done the orders when I haven’t even seen the patient. Then another patient came in while I was in the middle of taking care of the snake bite who had a clean room in ICU. I wanted to cry because I know I couldn’t work like I used to.

When I told my co-worker that I’m more exhausted now than I used to, before I got my thyroid removed, she dismissed it as normal. She said she also feels the same and said it will pass. They don’t understand how it is to be thyroid tired! I am not being lazy. I am not making up excuses. I just can’t work in ER anymore.

It’s so frustrating when people don’t understand hypothyroidism. I didn’t, until I had one. When I forget a co-worker’s name, they say that’s normal. When I feel sleepy, it’s normal. When I’m tired, it’s normal! Everyone is sleepy, tired and forget names. And it’s NORMAL!

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired and no one who understands. My routine was ruined. I couldn’t wake up early to do yoga and meditation. I’ve been gaining weight. I have mood swings. I’m a mess. I haven’t even studied for TOEFL. And I’m so frustrated that my Doctor couldn’t even figure out my Synthroid dose.

It’s a hard battle I’m dealing with. I just hope people would understand.

 

 

 

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Lazy for a Day

After working for 3 straight days, I spent my first day off being lazy. I don’t always wake up late on my days off even if I wanted to. J had to go to work and I need wake up early to prepare him breakfast and pack lunch. Once he’s off to work, I clean up, starting from our bedroom to the living room and then the kitchen. I try to clean the bathroom before I take a bath. Normally, every first days off, I vacuum, dust the furniture, water my plants, and if I my mood permits, I do the laundry. But that’s usually J’s work.

Thirty minutes after taking my Synthroid, I brew some coffee and made myself some breakfast. Normally, with FB and IG, it would take me up until almost noon before I decided to move and do something else. Now that I’m off of both, I just enjoy listening to music and reading a book.

In the beginning of January, I started to wake up at 4:30 am to do some yoga, exercise and meditation right before going to work. I was able to keep that up until March, when I started feeling more stressed at work that I’d rather sleep it off, snooze my alarm a couple of times before I decided to get up and take a shower. My morning would drag real slow and I would be really exhausted at the end of the day. I’m starving myself at work because I don’t have enough time to sit down and eat. And when I get home, I stress eat. I was only able to get back to my routine on my days off. But now, I am too lazy to do it. So on my first days off, after spending all of my time on FB and IG (that was before), I lay down on the couch being lazy the whole day until I had to get up to prepare some dinner before J arrives from work.

This morning, though, since I’m on FB and IG sabbatical, I read a book during breakfast. After cleaning up and vacuuming, instead of studying for TOEFL, I lay down the sofa, turned on the TV, watched some educational show on YouTube until I fell asleep. J would then call me after lunch, which would wake me up from my sleep. After his call, I would continue sleeping until I had to get up to prepare him dinner. This time though, I just asked him to buy some roasted chicken in the grocery store because I was too lazy to cook.

I’m not happy at work. I mean, I love my co-workers but I’m not happy working in a busy ER. I don’t even think I belong in ER, even if I’ve been an ER Nurse for 8 years. That’s why on my days off, I try to recharge by being lazy. Meditation and yoga are supposed to help me manage my stress. I love doing yoga and meditation. The only problem is, since my thyroid removal, I sleep a lot. There’s no problem with me falling asleep at night. The problem comes when I had to wake up. It’s really hard for me to wake up early especially when I’m working. No wonder I’ve gained so much weight. Before my thyroid surgery, I was already overweight at 116 lbs. Now, my heaviest is at 122 lbs. And I’m just 5 feet tall.

So here are my goals:

  1. Go back to my ideal weight of 110 lbs.
  2. Wake up at 5 am everyday, work or days off
  3. Regular sleeping routine: 10 pm sleeping time
  4. Yoga and meditation first thing in the morning
  5. Start running again
  6. Quit Nursing (pass the NPTE so I can finally work as a PT, but I have to pass the TOEFL first)
  7. Start driving (I will try to post about my driving dilemma some other time)

I have to set my alarm clock tonight at 5am.

Aja, fighting!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pensieve

I need to vent. Not the whining kind of vent, it’s not. It’s just that, everything is happening all at once, I need to clear my thoughts.

With the whole church wedding preparations, my US application which is finally taking place, my stressful work situation, down to my pending transfer to another hospital, all of this makes my thinking brain chaotic.

1. I finally managed to submit all of the updated documents to my agency for this US application. I’m just waiting to be shortlisted for the interview.

Things running on my mind: this is not the time to be thinking about having a baby. If I need to go, I need to go right away. I’ve waited almost 7 years for this.

2. Stressful work situation.

If I can’t change the situation, I need to find a way not to stress myself. This is my struggle: keeping myself from being stressed. Stress from work affects everything else. This is also not a good time for having a baby. Well, even if I don’t think about it, stress seems to prevent me from having it. So I guess it’s not a problem. I just need to work things out and learn to deal with stress in a good way.

3. Change of work environment.

Things are getting a little out of hand. My stressful work situation stems from understaffing, more overtime work with less pay, clash with a doctor, and too much politics when it comes to positions. This is where I decide whether to go or not. It took me a long time and finally, I have accepted the offer to another hospital. They were kind enough to wait for me until after my church wedding. It scares me to leave and start in a new environment but this is for my own good.

4. Church wedding

We’ve waited 2 years to get married in church. Now that we have the means, it’s finally taking place. It’s very taxing to choose a venue, a caterer, a photographer and videographer, wedding gown, flowers, name it, I’ve spent like, most of my idle time browsing on the internet. After a month or two, I have finally chosen the venue, the hotel and the official wedding photographer/videographer. Now my sister is pressuring me to make up my mind and send her the final photo of which wedding gown I choose to wear. I’m going crazy spending so much time on this thing alone that I finally decided to clean our room.

Yes. I will definitely feel much better after I clean our room. So, my sister needs to wait. Just hearing her talk on Skype about the things I need to do and the deadlines I need to meet makes me crazy that I just want to run away from it all.

Writing it all down and having a clean room clears my mind.

And oh, I cannot get pregnant, or even think about getting pregnant at all. It’ll have to wait until after the church wedding. Or wait until I settle down in the US. I don’t care about what other people say. I’ve had enough of this pregnancy issue. It’ll come at the right time. But for now, I need to live on the present and enjoy all the blessings that are coming me way.

2013

I started the year 2013 working, three nights from 31st of December 2012 to 2nd of January 2013. Does this mean I will be working all year round? Well, I’ve been working every New Year’s eve for the past 6 years since I started working in a hospital.

2013 passed by unnoticed. It was a very busy night. I just saw the clock at 12:25 am and shouted, “HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!” with my arms waving in the air. I received a response from a couple of people inside the ER then afterwards it was like nothing happened. Back to work. At 3 am I was able to have my break and ate alone in our pantry. I was the only Filipino on duty that night.

In the morning after my shift, I went straight to church where I met up with my husband, and gave thanks for all the blessings we received. We went home and fell asleep almost instantly. I still have to work night shift.

Today is my first day off of this year. I know it doesn’t make any difference. I just feel happy, that’s all. I’m thankful for each day of rest after work. I’m happy and contented on the way things are going. I’m not asking for more. I’m just hoping that I’ll be strong enough to face all the challenges that would come my way. I’m trying my best not to complain too much. Instead, I want to see the best in everything.

I may not have celebrated new year with my loved ones, but I’m happy that I have spent the new year taking care of the sick. Looking at Nursing as a job that pays makes a Nurse grumpy and unhappy. But looking at Nursing as a noble profession changes everything.

Looking forward for more positive vibes this year and all the years to come.

Cheers! 🍸

Keep Calm and Drink Coffee

My cardiologist called me yesterday to tell me my blood result. Thank goodness everything is normal except for my hemoglobin. He said I’m anemic and I need to eat green leafy vegetables. He’s still waiting for my iron result to see if he would prescribed me with supplemental iron.

I don’t bother checking my blood pressure every now and then like before. I don’t want to preoccupy myself with my blood pressure anymore. I’m normal and I’m just stressed, that’s all. I started drinking coffee again. But I’m sticking with my healthy diet. There are just some things that I can’t give up.

After my period, I need to take the antibiotics prescribed to me by my OB for my infection. Then 10 days after the antibiotics, I will see her again for follow up check up.

I need to divert my mind away from the stress of getting pregnant and stress from work. I need a new hobby. Or better yet, I need a vacation. Right, in my dreams.

Embracing Change

Okay, so I got booted out of Pediatric & Female Unit, where I started for over a year and where I made friends. My Nurse-in-Charge didn’t have much of a choice. If she will have me, she will have to give up one staff and so I decided to go instead.

I was thinking of requesting to transfer to a special area because that’s what I’ve always wanted ever since I started working as a Nurse. Wards suddenly bore me. It’s all routine. So my mind started choosing between NICU (because it’s near the Pediatric Unit), ICU or ER.

NICU – I don’t like changing baby’s nappies. I don’t like giving them milk every time they cry. Not that I don’t like babies. It’s just that, it’s not the kind of thing I wanted to do for work. I most specially don’t like to go to Maternity Unit just to catch babies from mothers giving birth. Although I’d love to become an expert in infant IV cannulation. Other than that, I don’t like NICU because I can’t bear to see critically ill babies.

ICU – WAS my first choice. I see ICU Nurses as smart and intelligent. But then I started thinking, I will care for the critically ill adult patients, those who look like a Christmas tree from all the contraptions attached to their bodies, and then everything will be just the same, a routine.

ER – I’m scared of ER Nurses. They all look like they’re always in a hurry or something. They look like they’re always on the go and if I just stand there thinking what to do next, I will just be getting in their way. You should be able to think and act fast or else a patient will die.

I chose ER.

Right. On my first day, the team leader oriented me on everything I need to know. I felt dizzy from too much information. I was always reprimanded to act fast and think fast. Whenever an ER Nurse comes rushing by, I just step out of the way. One time, the team leader told me to observe how they do the back-slabbing for a patient with multiple fracture, and the Ortho Doctor, who clearly didn’t know that it was my first day, told me, “Why are you just staring there? You are here and I don’t need anyone who just stares and does nothing. Open the crepe bandage!” So I quickly grabbed a crepe bandage and gave it to the Doctor.

I feel like I’m back to zero. I’m not that confident enough to compete with these expert ER Nurses. I need to study again.

But you know what, I love the adrenaline rush. Even if the Doctors or the patients are shouting at me, I feel that after some time, I will be able to bear it all and I will become as confident as the ER Nurses. The Nurses at the ER where I am now are all very nice to me and supportive of me, giving me tips on how to act fast and how to get used to different situations.

New friends, new colleagues, new environment. It’s a refreshing feeling.

I think I made some progress by stepping out of my comfort zone. 🙂

 

I Left My Ears in my Pocket

I had another attack of deafness while endorsing a patient from ward to ICU and answering the Doctor’s questions. In between ambubagging while shifting the patient, my mind tried to focus on what the Doctor was asking.

ICU Doctor: Does he have any “EXCRETIONS?’

Me: Excretions doctor? Secretions? Yes doctor, too much secretions in the mouth.

The other nurses and healthcare team laughed.

Nurse 1: He said XRAY!

Me: Oh! Xray! Yes doctor, of course. It’s in the file.

ICU Doctor: Did he take any “ANTIEPILEPTIC” medication?

Me: EPIleptic? EPInephrine doctor! (Then I realized my mistake) No! Epinephrine is not for epilepsy doctor. We used it as stat epinephrine nebulizer doctor.

(I still haven’t answered the doctor’s question, have I?)

Then my colleague who went with me to ICU said, “No, Doctor! We didn’t give any ANAPHYLACTIC medication.”

Me: (whispered to colleague) Oh…ANAPHYLACTIC, is it? I really can’t understand his accent!

Oh, well.