Pensieve

I need to vent. Not the whining kind of vent, it’s not. It’s just that, everything is happening all at once, I need to clear my thoughts.

With the whole church wedding preparations, my US application which is finally taking place, my stressful work situation, down to my pending transfer to another hospital, all of this makes my thinking brain chaotic.

1. I finally managed to submit all of the updated documents to my agency for this US application. I’m just waiting to be shortlisted for the interview.

Things running on my mind: this is not the time to be thinking about having a baby. If I need to go, I need to go right away. I’ve waited almost 7 years for this.

2. Stressful work situation.

If I can’t change the situation, I need to find a way not to stress myself. This is my struggle: keeping myself from being stressed. Stress from work affects everything else. This is also not a good time for having a baby. Well, even if I don’t think about it, stress seems to prevent me from having it. So I guess it’s not a problem. I just need to work things out and learn to deal with stress in a good way.

3. Change of work environment.

Things are getting a little out of hand. My stressful work situation stems from understaffing, more overtime work with less pay, clash with a doctor, and too much politics when it comes to positions. This is where I decide whether to go or not. It took me a long time and finally, I have accepted the offer to another hospital. They were kind enough to wait for me until after my church wedding. It scares me to leave and start in a new environment but this is for my own good.

4. Church wedding

We’ve waited 2 years to get married in church. Now that we have the means, it’s finally taking place. It’s very taxing to choose a venue, a caterer, a photographer and videographer, wedding gown, flowers, name it, I’ve spent like, most of my idle time browsing on the internet. After a month or two, I have finally chosen the venue, the hotel and the official wedding photographer/videographer. Now my sister is pressuring me to make up my mind and send her the final photo of which wedding gown I choose to wear. I’m going crazy spending so much time on this thing alone that I finally decided to clean our room.

Yes. I will definitely feel much better after I clean our room. So, my sister needs to wait. Just hearing her talk on Skype about the things I need to do and the deadlines I need to meet makes me crazy that I just want to run away from it all.

Writing it all down and having a clean room clears my mind.

And oh, I cannot get pregnant, or even think about getting pregnant at all. It’ll have to wait until after the church wedding. Or wait until I settle down in the US. I don’t care about what other people say. I’ve had enough of this pregnancy issue. It’ll come at the right time. But for now, I need to live on the present and enjoy all the blessings that are coming me way.

Advertisements

2013

I started the year 2013 working, three nights from 31st of December 2012 to 2nd of January 2013. Does this mean I will be working all year round? Well, I’ve been working every New Year’s eve for the past 6 years since I started working in a hospital.

2013 passed by unnoticed. It was a very busy night. I just saw the clock at 12:25 am and shouted, “HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!” with my arms waving in the air. I received a response from a couple of people inside the ER then afterwards it was like nothing happened. Back to work. At 3 am I was able to have my break and ate alone in our pantry. I was the only Filipino on duty that night.

In the morning after my shift, I went straight to church where I met up with my husband, and gave thanks for all the blessings we received. We went home and fell asleep almost instantly. I still have to work night shift.

Today is my first day off of this year. I know it doesn’t make any difference. I just feel happy, that’s all. I’m thankful for each day of rest after work. I’m happy and contented on the way things are going. I’m not asking for more. I’m just hoping that I’ll be strong enough to face all the challenges that would come my way. I’m trying my best not to complain too much. Instead, I want to see the best in everything.

I may not have celebrated new year with my loved ones, but I’m happy that I have spent the new year taking care of the sick. Looking at Nursing as a job that pays makes a Nurse grumpy and unhappy. But looking at Nursing as a noble profession changes everything.

Looking forward for more positive vibes this year and all the years to come.

Cheers! 🍸