Thyroid Tired

thyroid tired

I am sick. I have very unstable hormones. The clinic forgot to refill my medication before my vacation. So I’ve been taking the higher dose pill that was left. When I came back from vacation, I was in the middle of transferring pharmacies and there was a problem with the refill. There was none. These all transpired over the weekend where the Clinic was closed. I’ve been out of Synthroid for a few days. Let me tell you something, it ain’t good at all.

I work in the ER and it’s always busy. But in the middle of charting, I’m falling asleep. Yes I know it’s a dangerous place to work when you’re hypothyroid and you have brain fog. That’s why I move so slow and I had to check the orders with the patient’s name, like, 10x. In ER, you have to move and think fast. In my case, I’d rather be slow than make a mistake.

So on my day off, if exhaustion could kill, I would be dead. I don’t even have the energy of a slow turtle. I’m practically useless. I sleep all day, I wake up and sleep some more. I don’t even have any energy to eat. I called the Clinic after Memorial day to remind them about the refill. I even texted my Charge Nurse to put me in triage or dispo because I ran out of Synthroid. But I wasn’t able to go to work the next day. I wasn’t even able to call in sick. I wasn’t even planning on missing work. My body just didn’t function. So I called the hospital and told them I couldn’t work because I was sick, thyroid sick.

As soon as I got my refill, I went to work the next day even if I know that the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet. Luckily, I have very supportive co-workers. My Charge Nurse even called and asked where I want to work that day. I chose fast track because I don’t have to deal with critical patients. But I’ve been struggling.

The next working day, I had to work in triage with 20+ patients waiting, then got switched to work on the green side at 1pm to care for a patient who got bit by a rattlesnake, with the swelling on her arm rapidly spreading. I still have other patients with pending orders and a Nurse Practitioner who was on my neck asking if I’ve already done the orders when I haven’t even seen the patient. Then another patient came in while I was in the middle of taking care of the snake bite who had a clean room in ICU. I wanted to cry because I know I couldn’t work like I used to.

When I told my co-worker that I’m more exhausted now than I used to, before I got my thyroid removed, she dismissed it as normal. She said she also feels the same and said it will pass. They don’t understand how it is to be thyroid tired! I am not being lazy. I am not making up excuses. I just can’t work in ER anymore.

It’s so frustrating when people don’t understand hypothyroidism. I didn’t, until I had one. When I forget a co-worker’s name, they say that’s normal. When I feel sleepy, it’s normal. When I’m tired, it’s normal! Everyone is sleepy, tired and forget names. And it’s NORMAL!

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired and no one who understands. My routine was ruined. I couldn’t wake up early to do yoga and meditation. I’ve been gaining weight. I have mood swings. I’m a mess. I haven’t even studied for TOEFL. And I’m so frustrated that my Doctor couldn’t even figure out my Synthroid dose.

It’s a hard battle I’m dealing with. I just hope people would understand.

 

 

 

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Post-Vacation

My May birthday vacation made me open my FB and IG again to upload some photos. I didn’t upload much like before. I’ve just uploaded, maybe, 4-5 pictures per day, mainly from IG shared to FB. After the vacation, I deleted the apps. I haven’t opened them since. And it’s been almost a month!

Do I think of checking on them and see what’s going on? Sure! I’ve tried once,  but I got too overwhelmed! So many things has been going on I couldn’t keep up. So I shut it down and deleted it.

The only thing is that, I don’t know what’s going on with my friends, relatives and co-workers. I go to work, find out a co-worker is missing, only to learn that he already resigned. Everybody knew except me. Then one of my co-worker’s Mom died and I’ve come to know about it 4 days later when someone was passing a card to sign. I mean, when it comes to actual gossips at work, I was always the last one to know. And now that I’m not active in FB and IG anymore, it feels like I don’t know anything about anyone anymore, which is great! I keep up by actual conversation. I don’t keep up with gossips, mind you. I just like having actual conversations rather than small talks.

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I have this photo on my phone to remind me to enjoy the moment as it unfolds right before your eyes. You can keep a memory frozen in a photo or video, but the best memories are always kept in our minds. I even got my husband to quit FB too. Now before we go to bed, we have amazing conversations that we ended up sleeping late. The feeling of connection is so strong, I feel like we’re getting to know each other a little bit more everyday even if we’ve already known each other for 20 years.

It feels so liberating to be able to escape from the shackles of social media. When I was in Yosemite, staring at the wonderful creation of God, I felt one with nature. I felt at peace. It’s a wonderful feeling. And I’d like to preserve that feeling. Being free from social media made me come back to the present moment.

I am presently trying to practice minimalism, and my husband agrees with it. Less stuff, less clutter, more room, more space. I am trying to get rid of some of our stuff that we hardly use. You know what, it feels amazing. I feel lighter, like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. We don’t just buy stuff that we wanted. We think first if we really need it. And we ended up not buying anything.

Enjoy the moment!

 

 

Don’t Call Me on the Phone

 

 

I don’t like talking to people on the phone. I just dread it when I see my phone ringing. I can text. I can type really fast. But I just can’t talk on the phone.

I can answer phone calls when the person calling is somebody close to me like my family or my closest friends. Sometimes, I even hesitate answering phone calls from friends. Texting to me is more convenient. You can answer anytime you want and you can choose to ignore them anytime you want.

I don’t know why I don’t like talking to people on the phone. It gives me an anxiety whenever I hear the phone ringing. I don’t answer numbers that aren’t listed on my phone book. Even if they are, it takes me a while to decide if I should even answer it or not.

I would rather talk to the person in person rather than on the phone. Video calling is not even acceptable to me. Maybe I’m shy, or maybe I’m just too introverted. But I just can’t.

Lazy for a Day

After working for 3 straight days, I spent my first day off being lazy. I don’t always wake up late on my days off even if I wanted to. J had to go to work and I need wake up early to prepare him breakfast and pack lunch. Once he’s off to work, I clean up, starting from our bedroom to the living room and then the kitchen. I try to clean the bathroom before I take a bath. Normally, every first days off, I vacuum, dust the furniture, water my plants, and if I my mood permits, I do the laundry. But that’s usually J’s work.

Thirty minutes after taking my Synthroid, I brew some coffee and made myself some breakfast. Normally, with FB and IG, it would take me up until almost noon before I decided to move and do something else. Now that I’m off of both, I just enjoy listening to music and reading a book.

In the beginning of January, I started to wake up at 4:30 am to do some yoga, exercise and meditation right before going to work. I was able to keep that up until March, when I started feeling more stressed at work that I’d rather sleep it off, snooze my alarm a couple of times before I decided to get up and take a shower. My morning would drag real slow and I would be really exhausted at the end of the day. I’m starving myself at work because I don’t have enough time to sit down and eat. And when I get home, I stress eat. I was only able to get back to my routine on my days off. But now, I am too lazy to do it. So on my first days off, after spending all of my time on FB and IG (that was before), I lay down on the couch being lazy the whole day until I had to get up to prepare some dinner before J arrives from work.

This morning, though, since I’m on FB and IG sabbatical, I read a book during breakfast. After cleaning up and vacuuming, instead of studying for TOEFL, I lay down the sofa, turned on the TV, watched some educational show on YouTube until I fell asleep. J would then call me after lunch, which would wake me up from my sleep. After his call, I would continue sleeping until I had to get up to prepare him dinner. This time though, I just asked him to buy some roasted chicken in the grocery store because I was too lazy to cook.

I’m not happy at work. I mean, I love my co-workers but I’m not happy working in a busy ER. I don’t even think I belong in ER, even if I’ve been an ER Nurse for 8 years. That’s why on my days off, I try to recharge by being lazy. Meditation and yoga are supposed to help me manage my stress. I love doing yoga and meditation. The only problem is, since my thyroid removal, I sleep a lot. There’s no problem with me falling asleep at night. The problem comes when I had to wake up. It’s really hard for me to wake up early especially when I’m working. No wonder I’ve gained so much weight. Before my thyroid surgery, I was already overweight at 116 lbs. Now, my heaviest is at 122 lbs. And I’m just 5 feet tall.

So here are my goals:

  1. Go back to my ideal weight of 110 lbs.
  2. Wake up at 5 am everyday, work or days off
  3. Regular sleeping routine: 10 pm sleeping time
  4. Yoga and meditation first thing in the morning
  5. Start running again
  6. Quit Nursing (pass the NPTE so I can finally work as a PT, but I have to pass the TOEFL first)
  7. Start driving (I will try to post about my driving dilemma some other time)

I have to set my alarm clock tonight at 5am.

Aja, fighting!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Online Decluttering

Yesterday, when I said I deleted my social media apps, I know that my account is still intact (as opposed to being active), but I just don’t have them in my cellphone anymore. That way, I won’t be able to access it as easily as before.

The good thing about it is that, since I don’t see any social media apps in my cellphone and I don’t know what’s going on with everyone, it leaves me with a feeling of being completely unaware of my surroundings. When I was constantly checking my FB and Instagram account, I always see what’s going on with everyone. And when I see them in person, it’s like, I knew something about her/him; I knew what she did last weekend or I knew who she/he was with last night. Each one of us in FB and IG becomes a stalker of one another. One may not admit it, but what does it say when a person knows what’s going on about you when you don’t even talk?

Scary, ain’t it?

We went to a Filipino birthday party after work today and the food was overflowing as usual. Everyone was taking selfies and group pictures. Everyone was updating their social media apps and uploading pictures. Looking at them buried in their cellphones and knowing that I won’t be able to see any of my pictures there, didn’t make me feel like an outcast. In fact, I feel so proud because I’m not one of them anymore.

I may have to post some vacation pictures for my upcoming birthday week this May, just for the sake of my online photo album. But, I may have to keep this up. It’s been great.

I’ve finally deleted my YouTube app as well. I realized I’m using our smart TV to access YouTube for TOEFL reviews and never use my cellphone for it. I also had the time to delete some emails in my inbox. It’s time to sweep up and do some online decluttering. Delete apps that you haven’t been using for a long time and keep the important basic apps.

Happy deleting! Aja, fighting!

 

Social Media Apps Deleted!

Last night, after posting in this blog, I went over my cellphone and tried to see how I can deactivate Facebook. I couldn’t see it in my mobile device. So what I did was, I just deleted all of my social media apps one…by…one.

Yes!

Well, I kept Pinterest, because it’s where I find great ideas for everything; Twitter because I don’t have that many friends there; and YouTube, because, you know, YouTube. I have an account in YouTube but I never use it. I don’t even know my username and password. And Messenger, of course. I still need a form of communication with my family and friends. So there you go!

So this morning when I woke up, I didn’t try to look on my cellphone because I know I have nothing to check. I took my Synthroid then I went ahead and took a shower, got dressed for work and ate breakfast. Then I checked my cellphone because of the messages from my family, checked our bank account and went off to work.

At work today, I didn’t check my cellphone. I saw text messages from J when I went to the break room. But other than that, I haven’t checked anything else. Good job, me!

It feels so liberating. It’s like I have all this time in the world. I can feel the present moment. It got me excited to write something that feels like an accomplishment.

I’m doing this because I always see us (me and J) together with our noses buried on our cellphones. I don’t want us to be like the other couples who are together physically but separated virtually. I’m also doing this because I need to focus. I am pursuing my career as a Physical Therapist. I needed discipline to be able to study. I’m also studying for TOEFL. An English prerequisite for the Foreign-trained Physical Therapist. So I need a lot of practice writing and answering “Ms Universe” type of questions.

That’s it for today! Aja, fighting!

 

 

 

 

 

My Life in the US

It’s been more than a year since I came here. It was a mixture of excitement and fear. I was excited to be in a new place, meet new friends and start a new life with J. Fear of what will happen and what my new job in another ER will be.

J and I finally lived in an apartment of our own and driving our own car. Since I’m the only one working for now, J became a house husband taking care of all our needs, all the cooking and cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, ironing etc. We finally got used to the arrangement. My salary is just right for us. Living in this part of Texas is cheap. So we were able to get by and save some. 

My work place is huge. I was overwhelmed at first. This is the real deal. My new colleagues gave me a warm welcome. They were really nice and supportive. There was no hostility around. There was no negative energy. Everyone is helping one another. Even the Doctors are nice. No one is superior. No one yells at you. The Charge Nurse, the Nurse Supervisors are all great. The only stress we have is the workload. There are a lot of sick patients. I tell you, even the patients here are nice. You might encounter one or two rude patients but they’re usually on drugs or they have psychiatric problems.

The people here will smile at you and greet you. They will open doors for you. The place is simple. No tall buildings around. Just a small town with trees and greeneries.

I’m loving this place.I cannot tell how much. It’s been more than a year now and I couldn’t complain.