The Girl Who Can’t Seem To Give Up Comfort (and Forgets She’s Married)

It’s been 2 days since I’ve moved out of my flat. I went back to my old flat yesterday morning to get my other stuff and to leave my keys to the owner and I was feeling melancholic already. As I was walking the path towards my old flat, the sight of the park and the beach on the other side of the road, the building lobby, the elevator, the hallway, and finally the door to my old flat. As I turned the key, I already feel like a stranger. I no longer live here. I don’t own any stuff here anymore. I tiptoed inside our room and found my roommate/colleague S sleeping. I didn’t disturb her because I know that she’s from night duty. I saw my old bed all bare and empty. It felt lonely. That was my comfort corner. I quietly gathered my remaining stuff, left the key of my cabinet for H, then knocked on the room of the owner to surrender my key. We exchanged a few words, I said thank you and that we’ll still see each other hopefully, then left. When I closed the door, I know that I just left my old, comfortable life with the people who became my family for the past year. I felt sad all of a sudden.The feeling of not wanting to leave was so strong that it’s making me want to cry. Did I really have to leave? Oh, geez, I’m married. Of course I have to.

I didn’t go back to G’s flat right away. I walked and enjoyed my surroundings. I haven’t bought anything for my husband for our wedding monthsary because I was too busy moving out so I decided to go inside a department store and look for something to give him. When I found the thing that I want, I had it wrapped and headed straight to G’s flat.

Being in G’s flat is one of my comforts. This is my home away from home. I became a part of her family. I played with the kids for a while before I decided to drop by to my new flat to clean our room. My new building is huge. It has a vast lobby. It almost looked like a fancy hotel. When I reached my floor, I pressed the doorbell and the owner let me in. It’s a 3-bedroom/2-bathroom flat. The master’s bedroom belong to the owner. The other room belongs to another couple. I went straight to our room. Our room has wide glass window and I can see G’s flat from our view. Now I’m feeling like a newly-wed already. I’m starting a new life. I took the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning. It took me 3 hours to finish cleaning and organizing our stuff. The owner gave us a queen-sized bed and some furniture. I haven’t done beautifying our room yet. I have a lot of ideas in mind. J hasn’t brought his things yet. He said he’ll do it on his day off. I walked back to G’s flat, took a shower and rest. J and I had to stay in G’s flat for a couple more days until our room is ready.

J came and I assumed the role of a wife (as I always forget), gave him my late gift, he said I didn’t have to (what the heck, did he like it or not?) and we talked about how our days went. I let him rest after dinner while I chatted online with my roommate/colleague H. H and I always talk about anything back when I was still staying in our flat. I miss her already. By the time we finished chatting, J was snoring in his sleep.

I have to (always) remember that I’m married now. Why is it so hard to get used to changes?

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A Day When the Girl Decided to Move Out

I just had this sudden idea to move out of my present flat and look for another one near Gemma’s place. So I called Gemma if she knows someone who rents a flat at a reasonable price. My present flat is a bit expensive. But I love the place. Let me tell you why:

1. It is situated in the heart of the city.

2. At the back of our building, there’s a public park where I (used to) jog everyday.

3. Across the street (after the park) is the beach.

4. It is surrounded by hospitals, grocery stores, hotels, coffee shops, restaurants, outlet stores (Adidas, Nike, Next, etc.)

5. Accessible to taxis and buses.

6. Malls are practically just around the corner.

7. Most important of all, it’s near my hospital bus ride.

So why the sudden need to change?

I told Gemma what I’m paying for the rent is too much. I want to be able to save more money. But at the back of my mind, I want a change of scenery. C and I, we’re not talking anymore and I don’t even know why. We didn’t even had a fight or even a slight misunderstanding. We just grew apart. I never knew that it could happen. When she’s around, I can feel the tension as no one is speaking to the other. I just thought that, maybe one of us needs to go. I figured, since I’m used to being alone, I might as well find another place and adjust to new room mates/flat mates. Besides, if I live near Gemma’s flat, I can go there anytime especially if I feel homesick.

So I met Gemma after work to check out her friend’s flat. At the lobby alone are too many tenants waiting for the elevator. When we reached the floor of her friend’s flat, I saw a lot of laundry in this makeshift clothes hanger/dryer in the hallway. Inside the flat, it looks like a prison. I was hesitant to go inside but just to be polite, Gemma and I went in and (I) just pretended to be interested. After that, we went to the other floor of that same building to check another room vacancy. But I still got the same view.

When we were leaving the building, Gemma told me that if I’m looking for a cheaper room, I will definitely get a dirty and crowded one. She said for just a small (price) difference, she’d prefer my room over the rooms we’ve been to. I couldn’t agree more.

So I thanked her and bid goodbye. I said I will try to visit them one of these days (before their vacation to the Philippines this end of February). I’ve been busy spending my days off fixing my life (or rather, trying to).

I went back to my flat thinking about a lot of things. When I reached our building, the more I appreciated my surroundings. Walking in the hallway towards our flat, I felt comfort. When I opened the door, I felt at home. When I entered our room, my room mates all greeted me asking where I’ve been and why I’m home so late. I almost felt I’ve been missed, haha. So I jokingly told them, “you’re not the only ones who have a date!” and they all laughed. I truly felt that I’m home.

That night when I laid down in bed, I was thankful of my comfortable bed, my comfortable little corner, my cabinet and all my things, my room mates, my flat mates…I find comfort here, even if C and I aren’t talking anymore. But I guess I can live with that. I realized one thing though, friends aren’t permanent. They just come and go.