Unconditional love

I had the chance to talk to the wife about her son. When the nurses and doctors were reviving her child, she said, she was talking to her son to fight, to not give up. If he’s thinking that she made too many sacrifices for him, don’t worry, she said, she will not get tired of taking care of him. She will take care of him all of her life. The child’s heart beat on the monitor were faintly showing signs of improvement.

The husband, on the other hand, while seeing how badly their son looks, fighting for his life, realized that it’s time to let him go. He talked to his son, saying, “son, if you want to go, just go. I know you’ve been fighting for us. I know how tired you are. You need to rest. Mama and I will be okay.” The monitor were showing deterioration, then some faint improvement, highs and lows, as if the child cannot decide whether to go or not, to leave his parents who devoted their life for him, or to finally give them the life they deserve.

Finally, the child let go. The monitor showed the end of life. The couple hugged their son like there’s no tomorrow. They’ve never known life without their son.

7 years, and now they feel like nothing is left. I was wiping my tears when the wife was telling me all this. I may have not known Gabby that long, but I can feel the love between the family. He may not be able to tell his parents how thankful he is for the unconditional love they gave him despite his illness, but I know that wherever he is right now, he is watching over them like an angel.

Advertisements

Gone

He died.

The couple’s Cerebral Palsy child got sick on the day of his 7th birthday and they had to rush him to the hospital.

The wife got sick one day, when she went to the mall. I found her husband taking care of the child and asked about her wife. He said, she had to go to the mall that’s why he’s the one taking care of their child.

The next day, I saw the wife sleeping on the floor with a face mask. She’s usually sleeping beside her child. The husband said, her wife is sick. He had to be absent from work in order to take care of their child while his wife went to the hospital for check up.

Of course, the husband cannot be absent from work for a long time. The wife had to take care of the child even if she was sick.

Two days later, the child was rushed to the hospital.

It was his 7th birthday. My husband cooked a special dish for him. The others bought cake. But when we came home, the wife told us they were in the hospital because their child is sick.

I received the news an hour before my shift was finished. I came home with the flat filled with people offering their condolences to the bereaved couple. I went straight to the wife and hugged her.

He’s gone.

The Couple

We met them when we were looking for a place to live. They were recommended to us by our previous flat owner. They were very warm and pleasant, very friendly, and we liked them right away. The flat was huge and spacious. It looks like home. They greeted us like we were old friends. We really felt welcome to stay in their place and my husband and I instantly felt at home.

This couple has a child. They waited years before they finally got one. The child was born normally. But due to some reasons, the child had to stay in the NICU. The child had cerebral palsy. They didn’t elaborate how it happened. They were devastated but they accepted the child and its fate.

The wife decided to quit her job to be able to care for her child at home. They dedicated their lives and vowed to care for this child. They have decided not to have another child anymore in order to focus their love, care and attention in rearing this child.

Everyday became a routine. The wife will be home all day being a mother to her child until her husband gets home. Then she will become a house wife. She will cook for her husband, (or her husband will cook), they will eat together, watch TV, and then sleep.

They cannot go out together. It’s either the husband will stay at home to care for their child so that the wife can go out, or vice versa. I asked them if they ever bring their child outside and they said no, for fear of the child getting sick. They have been this way for 7 years.

I see this situation as something like a bondage. Like they were forced to live in a cage where life outside is something that is nonexistent. That the only life they have is contained within this space where rearing this child is the most important thing. They were deprived of a life in order for their sick child to have a life that he was deprived of. They sacrificed so much for the child to grow up healthy despite of having a different life.

I want them to go outside and enjoy a day as husband and wife. I wonder how they both feel. I wonder what the wife is thinking every morning when she wakes up, as I see her on the table staring into space, while stirring the child’s milk. Then in the evening before going to bed, how she watches TV, but her mind is some place else. They were deprived of a lot of things. Most especially, they were deprived of being husband and wife.

This made me change my perspective on a lot of things. People, married or not, have different burdens that they carry. In our case, we, as a married couple, were deprived of having a child. I get depressed every month when my period arrives, that I forget to appreciate how lucky I am to have a loving husband, who is so understanding and patient and never fails to show how much he loves me. I tend to ignore the fact that we can freely do whatever we wish, or go wherever we want to. My mind was focused too much on myself for not being able to bear a child, and being jealous of others who seem to be able to bear a child effortlessly. I forget how happy my life is despite of not having a child.

I am not alone in this, I know. There are also married couples like us, who are struggling to have a baby, in order to be seen by the society, as a complete family. Marriage should not be focused on having children alone, for being childless feels like a flaw in a marriage. Marriage should be about how well you live your life together whether you have a child or not.

I truly admire the couple, with whom we are living with right now. They had their marriage, the child they were waiting for, and accepted whatever was given to them wholeheartedly. It is very rare to see a kind of love like that. It is beyond boundaries.

Whenever I see this couple, with their child having cerebral palsy, laughing together, praying together, staying strong together, and being happy together, I see a family, a perfect family in a not-so-perfect world, unaffected and unbridled. Yes, they were given a child, and that child is the luckiest child on earth for having the best parents.

Life is how you choose it to be. It’s how you see things that will make you happy.

I choose to be happy. Therefore, I need to change the way I see things.