Mindset: Anything But Pregnancy

My blood pressure went back to normal. The Cardiologist told me not to think about my blood pressure too much. If I want to check, I should rest first before taking it, he said. And he’s right. My blood pressure is much okay after resting. My husband and I bought our own BP apparatus but ironically, we seldom use it. I stopped taking my blood pressure everyday, I didn’t go back to see the Cardiologist for my prescription (iron supplement), and I started eating unhealthy again. Well, I mean, once in a while isn’t that bad, I guess.

I didn’t go back to my OB-Gyn this month to check if I have an egg. Not because I didn’t want to but because of my work schedule. So this will be my third month of failing trying to conceive. I’m on the fifth and last day of oral antibiotics the OB-Gyn prescribed. So I will see her after 10 days. Right, and by that time, I have an unfertilized egg ready for the next cycle of menstruation.

My OB-Gyn also told me it would be better if I take the cervical cancer vaccine. But just when I have decided to take my first dose of cervical cancer vaccine this month, my colleague (who was assigned in giving the vaccine to the employees) told me that I wasn’t included in the list of employees who ordered the vaccine. I should just wait next year, she said. Great. Just great.

Mom said I need to stop thinking about trying to conceive. It’s giving me all the unnecessary stress. I wish it’s that easy. It’s like asking me to delete a part of my memory stored in the deepest recesses of my brain which activates itself without my permission. Like it’s a readily available information that pops up every time right there in front of you. It makes me think, question myself, and not doing anything about it makes me all the more frustrated.

Deep inside, I know it will come at the right time. I just needed to figure out how I can stop thinking about trying to get pregnant.

I think I will start by not blogging about it. 😁


Keep Calm and Drink Coffee

My cardiologist called me yesterday to tell me my blood result. Thank goodness everything is normal except for my hemoglobin. He said I’m anemic and I need to eat green leafy vegetables. He’s still waiting for my iron result to see if he would prescribed me with supplemental iron.

I don’t bother checking my blood pressure every now and then like before. I don’t want to preoccupy myself with my blood pressure anymore. I’m normal and I’m just stressed, that’s all. I started drinking coffee again. But I’m sticking with my healthy diet. There are just some things that I can’t give up.

After my period, I need to take the antibiotics prescribed to me by my OB for my infection. Then 10 days after the antibiotics, I will see her again for follow up check up.

I need to divert my mind away from the stress of getting pregnant and stress from work. I need a new hobby. Or better yet, I need a vacation. Right, in my dreams.

Stressed Over Pressure

I finally decided to see a Cardiologist, as advised by my best friend. She told me, why should I wait till I get pregnant? It would be better to prepare myself for pregnancy and avoid any complications, she said. She has a point.

So this morning, I went to see this Cardiologist referred by my nurse in OB.

The Cardiologist is an Arab, a consultant in Cardiology and Internal Medicine. He was very nice. He took my history, did the physical exam (I didn’t know he would also check my femoral artery and I was wearing my period undies!) and the ECG. He personally took my blood pressure manually. He asked me if I’m scared and I said I was, at that time. Then he asked me to relax for a few minutes then took my BP again. The result was lower than the previous. He told me my ECG is normal, my heart and lungs are both normal. It’s just probably stress (I knew it!). But he will order some blood test and I need to do fasting. He told me he wouldn’t prescribe me any medication. i just need to have a healthy diet (oookaaay…) and avoid any stress (like how?!).

Well, that wasn’t so bad. I just went to see a Doctor to tell me to relax. I guess I have to wait for my blood test. I’m expecting a high cholesterol and sodium level. I just hope my fasting blood sugar is normal.

Stress. I guess need to do some yoga. If a patient sees doing a mountain pose at work, it’s me being stressed by that patient.

Inhale. Exhale.

The Pressure is Up!

I almost thought I was pregnant. My period didn’t arrive early this month. I didn’t have my blood checked for BHCG. But I was almost tempted to buy a pregnancy test kit. There were no usual premenstrual signs. Well, except for some zit popping out of nowhere. But today, without any warning, my period came.

I wasn’t too preoccupied about getting pregnant this month because of my hypertensive episode. Whenever I go for my OB check-up, my BP shoots up. I wasn’t minding it as I wasn’t feeling anything. Besides, I’m thinking it’s either I’m just stressed or I have white coat hypertension, or it could be both. But the nurse told me that I should observe my BP twice a day for a week to see if there’s any difference. Maybe I should go see a Cardiologist.

I borrowed my friend’s BP apparatus and monitored my BP twice a day. Since I was already aware that I may get a high BP, whenever I take my BP, I always get a high result. It’s probably just psychological, or maybe I’m in the “denial” phase of DABDA. I know, I’m already diagnosing myself. I don’t want to see a Cardiologist. I don’t want to take any medications that would lower my BP. I don’t want to depend on any medication. So what I did was, I took it out on my diet. I ate fruits and vegetables, I stopped drinking coffee, I avoided eating oily foods. In short, I started eating healthy. But I have some cheat days, especially if I see that my BP didn’t change. There were times that I get a normal BP. But most of the time, my BP ranges from 150/90 to 130/80.

Now I’m scared to get pregnant. When my BP is this high, I may have preeclampsia.

I don’t know if I should be happy that I didn’t get pregnant this month. My plan to get pregnant will be like, my death sentence if I’m still hypertensive. So, I think I should just leave it all to God then. Maybe He has a better plan.