A Cluttered Mind

My mind is restless. I have so many things to do today that I ended up doing nothing. Then I tried to list down the things I needed to do to stay focused and organized but the list just sat listlessly on the table.

Let me share how cluttered my mind is, right now. Here’s a glimpse:

Yesterday, my husband and I went to my best friend’s daughter’s 7th birthday party. After the party, I stayed in my best friend’s flat while waiting for my husband, who excused himself in the middle of the party, to attend an orientation for Architecture class. I was surprised. He never mentioned it to me before. But I’m so glad that he finally decided on something that will upgrade his degree.

While waiting for my husband, I watched my best friend’s daughter, who was so excited opening all of her gifts. When she was holding my gift, I warned her not to cry if she ended up not liking it. It will break my heart, I said to her. So she opened it carefully while I was watching her expression. I didn’t give her a book this time. She pulled a pink package and read, “My secret diary.” Her eyes lit up, hugged the gift and told me, “How did you know I love writing?” How did I know? Most readers are (closet) writers. I just smiled at her and told her, “I’m glad you liked it this time.”

I asked her a question, “why did you cry last time when I gave you books?” I know the answer, I just want to hear how she would answer my question. Then she whispered in my ear, “I only read books when no one is watching.”

I laughed. I remember when I was in first grade (I didn’t attend any kindergarten class). Mom bought a phonetics book and Aesop’s Fables for me from a man on the street who sells different kinds of books. I looked at it and it didn’t look interesting at all. It came with a cassette tape. Mom would play the tape on our cassette player and I would listen to it. I memorized the stories on Aesop’s Fables effortlessly, including the phonetics. Then, once they are not around, I would sit quietly in one corner, and begin reading until I get lost in my own world.

I got the chance to talk to my best friend’s youngest brother (same age as me). He’s been married for 5 years and still childless. His wife also talked about being depressed and being asked a couple of times why they don’t have a baby yet. Her husband suffered from self-pity that he ended up going to a Psychiatrist for help. They are both so stressed that the only thing that makes them feel good is shopping. They have an endless loan in the bank with no savings or investment. Her husband even got to the point of telling her to ask another man to get her pregnant because he’s useless.

Stories like that makes me think about my own life. You choose your path when faced with adversity. How many times did I want to give up?

I called Mom today. I told her all the good things that are coming our way and she’s very happy for me. I listened to her advice and reflected on it. Hardships play an important part in our life. For without it, how can we learn?

I am thankful. I am grateful. I am blessed.

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