Pressure

No. This time, I’m not talking about my blood pressure.

A well-known OB-GYN specialist who conducted a seminar on infertility once told, a lot of women go for check up and find nothing wrong in their body and yet they still couldn’t get pregnant. Stress from within and the outside world can be one of the reasons. It’s hard not to think about getting pregnant but we can control that. We can divert our minds to think about anything other than pregnancy. But when the people around you are the ones giving you the stress, getting pregnant seems to get even harder. It’s the outside stress which we can’t control at all.

I tried to keep myself calm and avoided thinking about pregnancy. It will come at the right time. I stopped going to the OB clinic and tried to enjoy life as it comes. My friends, family and co-workers are all very supportive of that. I wonder why other people, especially those you meet at the corridors at work, never fail to ask me if I’m pregnant yet.

“Are you pregnant?”

“Did you know that L got pregnant? And she’s like 42 years old? You need to catch up!”

“Hey! How are you? 3 got pregnant in our department already. You got married first. When’s your turn?

“R gave birth already. She got ahead of you. How about you?”

Then my best friend called and told me she’s pregnant.

My former colleagues started telling me the news which I already know and asked, “what about you?”

It makes me feel so bad about myself. It makes me feel that something is terribly wrong with me.

One acquaintance, in her 40’s, who just gave birth to her first child, and who never fails to ask me if I’m pregnant, got the answer she deserved.

“Stop asking me, please.”

“Why?”

“How about you, when did you get pregnant?”

“After 14 years.”

“And you have the nerve to ask a newly wed everyday if she’s pregnant? You’re unbelievable!”

And so the pressure is back.

I wish I had a way to control my surroundings. That or I may have to start thinking about a witty come back for the question, “are you pregnant yet?”

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