Mindset: Anything But Pregnancy

My blood pressure went back to normal. The Cardiologist told me not to think about my blood pressure too much. If I want to check, I should rest first before taking it, he said. And he’s right. My blood pressure is much okay after resting. My husband and I bought our own BP apparatus but ironically, we seldom use it. I stopped taking my blood pressure everyday, I didn’t go back to see the Cardiologist for my prescription (iron supplement), and I started eating unhealthy again. Well, I mean, once in a while isn’t that bad, I guess.

I didn’t go back to my OB-Gyn this month to check if I have an egg. Not because I didn’t want to but because of my work schedule. So this will be my third month of failing trying to conceive. I’m on the fifth and last day of oral antibiotics the OB-Gyn prescribed. So I will see her after 10 days. Right, and by that time, I have an unfertilized egg ready for the next cycle of menstruation.

My OB-Gyn also told me it would be better if I take the cervical cancer vaccine. But just when I have decided to take my first dose of cervical cancer vaccine this month, my colleague (who was assigned in giving the vaccine to the employees) told me that I wasn’t included in the list of employees who ordered the vaccine. I should just wait next year, she said. Great. Just great.

Mom said I need to stop thinking about trying to conceive. It’s giving me all the unnecessary stress. I wish it’s that easy. It’s like asking me to delete a part of my memory stored in the deepest recesses of my brain which activates itself without my permission. Like it’s a readily available information that pops up every time right there in front of you. It makes me think, question myself, and not doing anything about it makes me all the more frustrated.

Deep inside, I know it will come at the right time. I just needed to figure out how I can stop thinking about trying to get pregnant.

I think I will start by not blogging about it. 😁

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