Alone

My husband’s job requires him to be transferred to different companies within the UAE. He was just lucky, I guess, that he was assigned in Abu Dhabi for more than a year. However, his contract with that company is finished so his company had to transfer him to another company. He already declined 2 job opportunities in Al Ain and Dubai that’s why he was jobless for a month. This month, he got assigned to Abu Dhabi again, which is great, actually, but he was pulled out after 2 weeks by his company for some unknown reason and transferred him to Dubai.

At first, I was like, go ahead, don’t mind me. I can manage alone. You can come home weekly. It’s not like we will not see each other anymore. So he accepted the job, as he doesn’t have any other choice. I helped him list down the things that he needed to bring, bought some things at the grocery store and finally packed his luggage.

The night before his trip to Dubai, everything just started to sink in. We’ve been together for almost a year. We didn’t stay together 1 month after our wedding due to accommodation problems and work reasons. Now the realization that I will be alone in our room suddenly hit me. I’ve been so used to him being around that I tended to ignore the fact that I have been dependent on him on almost everything. I will be alone. Alone in an empty room.

I know it’s kinda off, but I cried. I’ve been so used to us being together. It’s like, I couldn’t bear it if he leaves, even if it’s just for work. When he saw me cry, he said he will just tell his boss that he couldn’t accept the project. I told him not to do it because sooner or later, he will still be assigned in an area outside of Abu Dhabi. We better get used to it as early as now.

I tried to be strong. When he left this morning I still wasn’t able to prevent myself from crying. I don’t know, I’m such a cry baby. He hugged me tight and told me we will talk to each other everyday and he will be back this weekend.

I tried to keep myself busy. I cleaned the flat, changed the bedsheets, cleaned the room and bathroom, ironed our clothes and watched some movies/tv series then I slept. In between, my husband would call, updating me of what’s been happening. When I woke up from my nap, I noticed how alone I was that I started crying again. When my husband called me on YM, I felt better. I saw his room. He shares the room with an Indian. He lives with 5 Indians. The other flat where the Filipinos live is already full. I really hope he’d be alright. But he told me they were all nice to him.

I just let the video call go on even if we’re not chatting. I let him unpack and I went ahead and did what I was supposed to be doing. It’s like being together although not physically.

Gemma called and asked me if I’m okay. She said I could stay in her flat while Jess is away so I wouldn’t be too lonely.

It’s hard to be alone again. But what the heck, it’s not the end of the world. I think I’m just overreacting. We survived long distance relationship for 12 years. Why can’t we survive not being together for 5 or 6 days each week?

I’m just ventilating my thoughts. Writing it all down is what makes me feel okay. I know I’ll be okay.

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