Today is my last day of duty (after what it felt like 8 days/12 hour shift). I had to force myself to stay awake until morning so I did my piled-high-up laundry after C finished hers. Oh, we’re talking, by the way. It happened the night I got drunk, I had to call her to pick me up at the lobby of our building. She took care of me, changed my clothes and put me to bed. Anyway, I tried to watch Criminal Minds but fell asleep instead. I woke up and my roommates are gone, headed up to Dubai for the holiday. And as usual, since I’m the only one who works in a hospital (where there are no holidays), I’m practically alone in our room, save for M who decided not to tag along the group.

When I woke up, I saw a text message from C telling me that they’ve left already. M was already awake and we had a breakfast of chocolate croissant over a hot coffee. It feels like I’ve been away for too long, like I haven’t really been with my roommates. It’s been all work for me and I spent most of my time with my colleagues and hanging out with H and S. The hospital became my home and my colleagues became my family. Going home to my flat is just like going home only to sleep. So when my roommate Ivy learned that I’ll be on night shift the next day, she opened her videoke and we started singing. I missed this, spending time with my roommates. I realized, C and I didn’t grow apart. I grew apart from my roommates. They spend their time together while I spend my time alone. No wonder I don’t know anything about them anymore.

Ivy will go home to the Philippines for good. So only me, and the sisters M and C are going to stay. Ivy was singing something last night but I didn’t really pay much attention. Only when she told me to listen because it’s for me did I realize that she knows or rather they know what I’ve been feeling. I nearly cried last night. I’ve been thinking too much that I’ve isolated myself from them.

I don’t even have time to visit Gemma and her family. She calls and asks if I’m too busy and I say I barely have a day off. They’re having a vacation in the Philippines and I don’t even have the time to go there before they leave because of my work schedule. In fact, I don’t have time for anybody or anything except for work.

Work keeps me busy. It keeps me from thinking too much. But it also keeps me away from everyone. I’m too preoccupied with my problems that I forgot how to live.

I wish I know how…



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