Okay, I gotta let this out. I gotta vent. I’ve been thinking about it since last night and I know I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help it. It made me feel low. It made me lose the energy. It made me feel like a loser. I tried to distract my thoughts trying to think positively. I tried to sleep it off but I woke up and it’s all I could ever think of. I tried to analyze where I went wrong. Okay, I know I went a bit overboard by cursing when I’m pissed off, which I don’t normally do. Foul words just come out of my mouth when I’m pissed. Maybe that’s what made my senior angry. Well, I wasn’t directing my rants to her because she wasn’t involved in any way. I was just trying to let go of my emotions by talking out loud which was a big mistake. So I was surprised when my senior stood up and said, “okay, I will do it.”
I felt embarrassed and humiliated. I couldn’t look her in the eye and I couldn’t face my colleagues. I just want to disappear and go home. She’s the senior nurse I look up to. She’s my idol. She’s been like a big sister to me. And now she’s disappointed in me and I couldn’t accept that.
I went home trying to mask my emotions. I tried distracting myself but to no avail. I know that just by thinking about it, I’m driving all the energy towards it and it will just make matters worse. I woke up and it’s still all I could ever think of. So I’ve decided to face my emotions and get over with it.
What went wrong?
1. I resisted something that I felt was degrading on my part.
2. I cursed unexpectedly (P*****I**).
3. I blabbered nonstop showing my disgust at what the parents of the patient are trying to make me do.
~My senior Nurse got mad and told me she will do it instead.
Analysis of Consequences:
~ I felt degraded so in order to save my ego, I cursed and blabbered nonstop.
– from now on, I will try substituting the words P*****I** to Hello Kitty.
– I will try to be humble and not to think of the degrees I have or the professional licenses I hold.
– I will not rant out loud and if I’m feeling that way, I will count until I feel okay.
– I will try not to lose my temper.
– I will think of the difficult situations as challenges that I can overcome.
When I go to work today, I will apologize to my Senior Nurse.
There. I feel better already. 🙂