I spoiled C’s birthday yesterday. I was sick, I wasn’t feeling well, I had a lot of things going on my mind, I was rushing to finish my laundry and pretending to be happy. Things got a little out of hand when I was forced to do things against my will and then, boom…the evil dark side of me resurfaced which made the atmosphere filled with so much tension you’d want to go out of that room as fast as you can. It’s as if somebody just received a shocking news that made everyone’s jaw dropped. I’m a party pooper. What a shame. I’m so glad J was there to divert everyone’s attention. After finishing my laundry, I quietly crept to my bed and continued reading my book. I’m not really reading. I’m just trying to hide my tears. I’m upset and ashamed of myself. Then J went to my bed and asked what’s wrong. I could feel C’s suppressed anger. We were supposed to go out but since I wasn’t in the mood, I couldn’t risk spoiling another moment so I told them I have to take a rain check. But C kind of threatened me that if I didn’t go with them, she will not talk to me anymore. So even if I wasn’t feeling well and coughing nonstop, I went.
C and J, they’re my best bud roommates. J knows me well so she tried to patch things up between me and C. It may be bloody from the beginning but the war finally ended when I admitted my mistake and said sorry.
Went to Gemma’s flat with my eyes all swollen but she didn’t ask me what’s wrong because she knows I will just cry. But I was surprised when she told me that she has something to give me that she wasn’t able to give on my last birthday. When she gave me the Hello Kitty bag I cried. I didn’t cry because of the bag. I cried because despite of my problems, I have friends who love me. She laughed when she saw me cry and that’s when I unloaded myself to her. I told her what’s been bothering me. I told her everything that I feel. I cried a whole lot. It felt good.
I opened FB, read the posts on my wall and cried again. I think C was right when she told me that I am lucky with friends.
Indeed I am. If it wasn’t for them, I think I would end up in the loony bin. Being this crazy and still accepting me for who and what I am, makes me lucky enough I’m not wearing a strait jacket.
This is just another PMS post brought to you by Always and Anion.