I’ve been very distracted with a lot of things. I neglected reading and I lost my interest in writing. I’m not saying that I’m a writer. I’m just the type of person who loves to write her thoughts with not a care in this world. I love reading my thoughts. It’s like trying to communicate with my inner self without an audience.
Let me tell you the things I’m distracted of. First of all, it’s this damn thing called social media. I admit, I’m hooked. It’s like a part of my body. I wake up and I grab my phone. The last thing I tinker before I sleep? My phone. When I’m bored at work or I have idle time, I look at my phone. When I’m alone, I seek comfort with my phone. I feel a certain connection with people I know. It feels like watching people and entertaining yourself at the same time. Which is a bad thing.
I’m aware that I’m losing connection with the present moment. I know that I’m present, but my mind is away. Spending time with my husband at home is just in its physical form. I’m there but my mind is busy looking at my phone. I admit that it often creates a problem between us. I know that I should stop doing it. But I still find myself staring at my phone even when I’m not aware.
Second, work. Work feels something like a lifesaver. You have to do it in order to survive. If you don’t work, you can’t afford to live, unless you have a multi-billionaire for a husband. Work is always exhausting. It burns me out. I always count on my day off. I always dread going to work.
And then after work, number three, I feel like I deserve to be lazy. I’ve worked my ass off literally and I deserve to rest. And to rest means I don’t have to do anything. I eat, sleep, watch TV, tinker on my phone, chat with my husband, sleep and either be ready for work the next day, or be ready to get lazy on my days off.
Fourth, I’m so obsessed with my own thoughts. I always feel the need to improve myself. And I get so frustrated when I fail or I don’t have the drive to do something to achieve my goals. I always look at how I was in the past. How thin I was, how active I was, how determined and discipline I was.
Fifth, I’m obsessed about de-stressing. I seek out zen practices. I listen to Headspace and Calm apps for meditation. I buy stuff that would bring peace and calm in our apartment. But with the littlest stress, I crumble. And I’m back to square one.
Then I remember, oh, I have a blog. Let me write something.These are the things that keep my mind busy. I just hope that I can develop that meditation technique to help me get rid of the unnecessary distractions that’s taking a toll in my life right now.