The Return Of the Dead Blog

I have been markedly absent. Thinking of ways to rekindle this flickering love affair with writing.  I feel compelled to blog.

But where do I start?

Well, I’ve been married for almost 7 months. How is life treating me? I have to say, I have my own share of ups and downs. It’s not always easy but I’m happy for the way things are turning out.  I finally learned how to cook (Yay!). My husband saw how I transformed from an angel to a monster in a span of 5 seconds during my bouts of PMS. He had a hard time, I know. Poor guy. He’s just so clueless trying to understand my mood swings. But, he’s a very patient guy and I love him for that. We’re still waiting (patiently) for a baby to come. It’s really stressful when all of our friends are asking about it and I see my other friends getting pregnant and having babies. I didn’t know that that would be the second stage after, when-are-you-getting-married phase. I try not to think about it too much because I’ll just end up questioning myself. For now, my husband and I are just trying to enjoy our married life minus the baby. It will come in time.

Work consumes the most out of me. I usually come home tired and cranky. Being a Nurse is a really, really stressful job. It burns me out easily. But it finally paid off. I got an increment in my salary (Yay!). That’s why I’m glad I finally had my annual vacation leave. I got to see my family for a brief period of 25 days. It wasn’t really enough but it’s all worth it.

Right now, I have books waiting to be read, recipes to try out, downloaded movies and TV series to watch, and keeping in shape by running again. Hopefully, I could try to write even just a few notes on this blog every now and then. I intend to keep this personal blog as my Pensieve or like a diary of some sort.

I think that’s it for today.

Write. Right!

The invitation was out. A lot of our friends whom we didn’t expect to come, would come, as they RSVP’d right away. Jess and I were both surprised. We definitely have to extend our budget. It’s okay, I guess. The more, the merrier.

I was just planning to wear jeans and a decent top on my after-the-wedding party when all of my friends who were invited were so excited and started planning on their outfits. I was like, should we really dress up for this? And they were like, it’s your day! You should wear a nice dress! Uh-oh.

9 more days and I’m getting married. I still don’t have the right shoes. And now I have to buy another dress. I’m not really a dressy kind of person. I buy dress on special occasions but I’ll never wear it again the second time. I’m not really comfortable walking around the streets wearing a dress. I’m also terrible in wearing high-heeled shoes. Really! I can’t walk on those so-called shoes.

I slept my worries away only to dream about it. I woke up thinking what I should do. Whenever I’m stressed, I find cleaning and organizing my things therapeutic. So I did my laundry and reorganized my closet. I found my 4 barely touched journals. I stared at it and started reading the things that I wrote. The other journals I found doodles of grocery list, budget list, to-do list and some random numbers. One journal contains some notes on my IELTS exam. The other one, I wrote about the things that happened on a day-to-day basis. The smallest journal contains my random thoughts. What would I do with 4 journals when I barely write anymore? It will just collect dust and I don’t need any more clutter lying around my closet. I decided to throw away the 3 journals and keep the smallest one as I don’t want anyone reading my private thoughts.

I miss writing. I miss writing down my thoughts. I have a lot of things in mind that I like to write about. Things that are meant to be read by me alone.

Can I just marry in my thoughts? That would save me time worrying about a lot of things.

9 more days and I’m getting married. This is it. There’s no turning back.

A Visit to an Old Friend ~ Oh, I have a Blog!

My blogging skills became rusty as I don’t get much inspiration to write anymore. Hence, an abandoned blog site. Most of the time, when I’m driven to write, my mind works nonstop. Whenever I observe something funny or interesting, I try to remember to write something about it. But as most bloggers, being on blog hiatus is inevitable. I truly admire those bloggers who can still write regularly. I don’t gain anything (monetary) on blogging. I just do it to satisfy myself, as I love to write down the things that are running on my mind.

So what happened in the past 3 months?

April: (1 month local leave)

1. I had to study for IELTS for the renewal of my Visascreen Certificate.

2. Jess arrived and got a job as an Architect.

3. BFF’s Heidi & Sharon moved to my flat.

4. Cut my waist-length hair to shoulder-length hair.

 

May: (Back to work and 2 kg heavier)

1. Another year is added to my age, which is conflicting because I’ve stopped aging *cough!* (Seriously, I’ve stopped counting).

2. Had to struggle another LDR, which is funny because I thought we’d be together when he got here. (But seeing each other 3x a week is better than seeing each other once or twice a month).

3.  Back to running and some other things: badminton, rollerblading.

4. Got sick: cough + low-grade fever + malaise

5.  Got my IELTS result with flying colors.

 

June: (Do I hear bells?)

1. Plans (getting married &/or getting pregnant?)

2. Facing problems (cold feet? fear of being tied down? leaving my friends, [foster]family & roommates?) ~I still can’t get used to us being together.

3. My career misfortune will be over soon (hurrah for positive insight!) as I’m waiting to be transferred to another ward, leaving my Pediatric/Female family.

4. Still anxious at what the future will bring.

 

Is that 3 months already? Boring, ain’t it?

 

Small Crowd

If I have to profile myself, I’d say I’m not a person who have a lot of friends but a person who have a very tight circle of friends.

I don’t enjoy mingling with people I don’t know. I prefer going out with my friends whom I have known for a long time. I can be myself around them and I know they’d accept me no matter what.

Even if I don’t have that many friends, I am proud to say that the friends that I have are my friends until now. I have this friend since childhood whom I still have a communication with even if she’s already in the USA. My best friend from elementary school who now lives in Canada but still makes time for me and asks how things are going on. My friends in high school, my friends and best friend in PT school, Gemma, my friends in Nursing school, my previous workmates, my room mates, and my new work mates. Plus some other friends who made a significant part of my life.

I’m a very private person. When I’m on the streets, I don’t look at other people, I don’t talk to them unless needed. I may come across as silent and shy or a snob but I don’t care. You may also notice the meager number of visits on this blog. It’s because I keep it private. I just want to torment a couple of people who can understand my nonsense babbling rather than annoy a bunch of innocent people who thinks my blog is trashy. That’s why I don’t advertise this blog. I don’t promote it nor spread it. My Twitter account? Sheesh! I’m surprised that the small number of followers I have still have not abandoned me. I babble too much nonsense, I tweet too much information, well, it’s because I only have a small number of followers to annoy. Now I’ve finally paid attention to my Tumblr account and I only have 1 follower (yay me!).

Well, I guess that’s the whole point: to be able to write my thoughts freely to a small number of audience whether they read it or not. The important thing is, I have expressed myself and unloaded my thoughts. Kind of like being with my closest friends: they may or may not listen to my nonsense babbles, but I know that they will never abandon me.

Post-It Thoughts

Night shift. Holiday. 8 quiet patients. Boring.

Got bored with my book so I started to doodle words on post-its. Colleague was asking: “What are you writing?” I answered, “Nothing.”

Colleague said, “You write too much.” I just shrugged my shoulders and continued writing.

~Tiny Thoughts~

*you wear expensive clothes and buy expensive things just to keep up appearances.

*overheard someone: “You talk too much! I don’t even understand what you’re saying!”

*how can someone buy so much when you’re both receiving the same salary? easy. YOU HAVE SAVINGS. THEY DON’T. THEY HAVE CREDITS. YOU DON’T.

*sometimes, i like drinking alone. why? nothing. i just feel like getting drunk.

*roommate #1: talks too much. too eager to please everybody. always offers food. i wonder if she’s thinking that i just rely on her. i don’t ask her for food. she’s the one offering even if i don’t want to.

*roommate #2: easy to get along with. understands and respects my mood swings. i wonder if she’s talking bad things behind my back.

*roommate #3: my favorite roommate. very generous. sometimes she doesn’t know how to listen. sometimes…but not most of the time. she’s the one i trust.

*roommate #4: i don’t get her. she’s nice but i just don’t get her.

Stiffed Neck

*started the day after C’s birthday. could it be a punishment? it started on the right neck. then the left neck. removed my pillow last night. still painful on left neck. but right neck is okay now. i bend my head to the right and i feel the pain on my left neck…

Old Indian Man from the Laundry Section

*too much girgir (malayalam translation for blah, blah, blah…talks a lot of nonsense).

*approaches nurses’ station then begins talking nonstop to any indian nurse on sight. he looks like a cartoon character. head bending left and right, bleh, bleh, bleh…it’s like putting a coin inside a can then move the can in circular motion and try to hear the noise the coin makes. that’s how they sound.

*his voice and the way he talks is giving me a headache. bleh, bleh, bleh (coin inside a can) —> maybe that’s how i got my migraine.

*i think he’s a gossip mongrel.

*he talks forever…aaaarrghh! bleh, bleh, bleh…

*learned from a cleaner that this man sexually harassed her…(the more i hate him).

1:35 a.m.

i suddenly craved for milk. that green 3-in-1 nescafe is much too strong for my taste.

1:40 a.m.

milk is still scalding hot. throat’s scorched from drinking too much hot coffee.

1:42 a.m.

staring at the thin film of milk which formed on my milk cup.

1:46 a.m.

milk’s gone. i feel sleepy…it’s either the milk or the time. or maybe both…

1:52 a.m.

i want to curl up in bed with my book…

3:36 a.m.

i just want to lay down in bed and sleep…

 

Incessant Blabbing

…and so the little girl decided to update her blog (out of boredom).

Two days I’ve been on day duty (8am-8pm). And today, I’m on night shift (8pm-8am). I tried to stay up late last night so I can wake up late in the afternoon, and also to adjust my body clock. But as always, it never happens. I woke up at 10 in the morning with nothing else to do but see what’s happening in the internet (pathetic).

One can’t force oneself to sleep if she ain’t sleepy. Irony though, when I’m riding the bus home, no matter how hard I keep myself from falling asleep, with the muslim prayer being played inside the bus, my mind slowly drifts away to dreamland. But when I try to sleep because I have to wake up early the next morning, my mind disobeys me and remains awake. I wish I’m inside that bus…

Twitter suddenly got boring – nothing interesting’s going on (I stopped getting addicted to FB either). I know I don’t have a life, so what? Then I realized, “oh, I have a blog!” A pathetic blog where no one visits except the author herself. I know it’s been ages since I’ve updated it. I kinda miss reading blogs. I had two (active) blogs before (friendster & blogspot). I deleted the first one (coz my older sister was stalking me) and the second one was gone (I couldn’t log in anymore but I couldn’t care less, it’s trashy anyway so let it be). And now this…

I’ll try to write anything, readers or no readers. I need to get things off my mind.

Hopefully I can get back to sleep.

Let Me Start Again…

I’ve started this blog with posts full of personal rants. It was like a hideaway, a temporary shelter where I can pour my heart out. I wanted to escape. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I neglected my other blog because I couldn’t seem to manage it anymore. Everything ‘s a mess and I just don’t have the energy to fix it up.

I guess I’m just good at escaping. It’s easier to just get away from it all.

I left an old chaotic blog to start a new blog hoping that I would start on something fresh. But attempts have failed.

I write not to impress. I write not to invite people to delve into my personal life. Though at times (or most of the time)I tend to rant. A LOT. But it’s just my way of unloading so pardon me if I may bore you. I’m not into writing intellectual posts either where no one understands the things written except the writer himself/herself.  Let’s keep everything simple, shall we?

I don’t have any blog followers and I don’t advertise my blog just so everybody could see how boring I write. But it’s good to share a blog to a select few. Just don’t share it to a family member coz, believe me, they are the worst stalker in the planet (based on my experience, that is).

I write as if no one’s reading. I write for myself. I write because it’s simply therapeutic. Much like when you go for a spa after a long tiring day.

…….

So, allow me to start all over again…