He and She

Adjustment period. My Mom used to say you’ll never truly know a person until you’ve lived with that person. J and I have been boyfriend and girlfriend for 12 years before we got married. We never had any majorly fight. Oh, we fight alright! But oftentimes, we fight over simple things.

J is a type of person who stops and smells the roses. I’m the type who believes that time is gold. I’m always in a rush, like I’m meeting a deadline and have to be on time. I don’t like any hassles. I’m always preparing breakfast for him before he goes for work. The way he slowly eats, savoring the flavor, makes me eat my breakfast real fast like I’m the one who is going to be late for work. If he’s still eating and I’m done, I’ll prepare his things, his shoes, so that when he’s finished eating he’ll just step right through the door and head on to the bus stop without any delay. Then if he’s still not moving, I’ll start talking about how late he is, that he should move fast so he could catch the bus etc. Then he’ll tell me to stop, that there’s still plenty of time and I have nothing to worry about, etc.

One time we went to the mall for our grocery after going to the church. I was heading straight to the grocery store and he told me we should roam around first and relax since it’s our day off. I was fidgeting all the time while he leisurely browses the shoes in a sports store. I frequently glance at my watch, counting how much time is left for my laundry, cooking and ironing. Ugh! Just writing this all down makes me look like a wife made in hell. I remember my younger sister telling me that when I get married, maybe I’ll be like Bree of Desperate Housewife, the way I’m so meticulous in everything, the way I like everything clean and organized. J have no complaints about my “cleanliness and orderliness” as he’s very organized himself.

The thing is, this the-clock -is-ticking attitude of mine is giving me trouble. J prepared breakfast for me before going for work, which I gobbled all up in less than 5 minutes while he’s busy doing something in the kitchen. He was surprised when I’m all done and he wasn’t even able to touch his meal. I was ready to go when he told me to wait for him because he’ll walk me to the bus stop. I told him he doesn’t have to but he insisted. So I had to wait for him while he’s preparing and my thoughts are running on how to catch the bus on time. I’ve wasted 5 minutes waiting for him when I should’ve been walking by that time. I was talking nonstop telling him I don’t want to miss the 8:10 bus, that he’s making me miss the 8:10 bus. He said there’s plenty of bus. I told him I don’t want any bus, I want the 8:10 bus, like a little brat pouting.

I know I’m being difficult but I can’t help it. I want to be like him, but not too much. He’s a good man, yes he is, and he has good intentions, I know. Maybe opposites do attract because one becomes a reminder of the other. J is a reminder of me that I should, once in a while, stop and smell the roses. I, on the other hand is a reminder of J, that sometimes, every minute counts.

There are still a lot of things that we will discover about each other. We’ll just have to be strong enough to face the challenges and accept our differences. And the marriage goes on…

Living Together: How to Adjust (Marriage 101?)

We moved in to our new room (finally!) 3 days ago. It took some time before I got used to my new routine. I had to go back a couple of times to our room whenever I go to the bathroom or kitchen because I always forget something. I have to rummage on a pile of clothes/things just to find something that I know I have hidden somewhere. Instead of hitting the sack when I come home from work, I have to prepare dinner for my husband. Well, basically, I help him prepare dinner because he’s doing all the cooking mostly. Fine, I’ll learn how to cook. I just need some time to adjust. I used to do my laundry every 3 days, but now, it seems that I have to do it every other day because the dirty clothes seem to file up high so fast. Oh, right, there are two of us now. Great.

The two of us in the kitchen, well, it’s not a good idea. I’m a neat freak wash-your-hands-before-touching-anything type of person. My stuffs are all organized that if something is misplaced, I’d  know right away. “Wash your hands.” Don’t use that, it’s dirty!” “Not too much oil.” “Remove the skin, it’s too fatty!” etc. I know. I sounded like a terrible wife. Even in simple things like folding the clothes. I’d rather do it myself than let him fold all our clothes and then I have to do it all over again. Sometimes (well, most of the time, actually), I apologize for my behavior. He’s very supportive and understanding. I wonder how long it will last.

I love our new place. It’s like we’re the only people living here. When we’re talking, we’re planning on what to do on the weekend (when it’s my day off), what to cook, what activities to do. Sometimes, we’re discussing our attitudes, what he doesn’t like about me and what I don’t like about him. I casually told him, “Maybe we will fight a lot now that we’re together.” He said, “Of course we’ll fight. It’s very unnatural if we don’t.” ” But don’t make it a habit to fight with me always,” I said. “I’m not fighting with you,” he said. “Yes, you are!” I said. We sounded like kids. Or, is it just me? I feel like we’re just playing house. That we’re just pretending to be husband and wife.

I hate myself for even thinking about it, but I’m really wondering how long this will last. We’re still in the adjustment period. I need to cut us some slack.

The Girl Who Can’t Seem To Give Up Comfort (and Forgets She’s Married)

It’s been 2 days since I’ve moved out of my flat. I went back to my old flat yesterday morning to get my other stuff and to leave my keys to the owner and I was feeling melancholic already. As I was walking the path towards my old flat, the sight of the park and the beach on the other side of the road, the building lobby, the elevator, the hallway, and finally the door to my old flat. As I turned the key, I already feel like a stranger. I no longer live here. I don’t own any stuff here anymore. I tiptoed inside our room and found my roommate/colleague S sleeping. I didn’t disturb her because I know that she’s from night duty. I saw my old bed all bare and empty. It felt lonely. That was my comfort corner. I quietly gathered my remaining stuff, left the key of my cabinet for H, then knocked on the room of the owner to surrender my key. We exchanged a few words, I said thank you and that we’ll still see each other hopefully, then left. When I closed the door, I know that I just left my old, comfortable life with the people who became my family for the past year. I felt sad all of a sudden.The feeling of not wanting to leave was so strong that it’s making me want to cry. Did I really have to leave? Oh, geez, I’m married. Of course I have to.

I didn’t go back to G’s flat right away. I walked and enjoyed my surroundings. I haven’t bought anything for my husband for our wedding monthsary because I was too busy moving out so I decided to go inside a department store and look for something to give him. When I found the thing that I want, I had it wrapped and headed straight to G’s flat.

Being in G’s flat is one of my comforts. This is my home away from home. I became a part of her family. I played with the kids for a while before I decided to drop by to my new flat to clean our room. My new building is huge. It has a vast lobby. It almost looked like a fancy hotel. When I reached my floor, I pressed the doorbell and the owner let me in. It’s a 3-bedroom/2-bathroom flat. The master’s bedroom belong to the owner. The other room belongs to another couple. I went straight to our room. Our room has wide glass window and I can see G’s flat from our view. Now I’m feeling like a newly-wed already. I’m starting a new life. I took the vacuum cleaner and started cleaning. It took me 3 hours to finish cleaning and organizing our stuff. The owner gave us a queen-sized bed and some furniture. I haven’t done beautifying our room yet. I have a lot of ideas in mind. J hasn’t brought his things yet. He said he’ll do it on his day off. I walked back to G’s flat, took a shower and rest. J and I had to stay in G’s flat for a couple more days until our room is ready.

J came and I assumed the role of a wife (as I always forget), gave him my late gift, he said I didn’t have to (what the heck, did he like it or not?) and we talked about how our days went. I let him rest after dinner while I chatted online with my roommate/colleague H. H and I always talk about anything back when I was still staying in our flat. I miss her already. By the time we finished chatting, J was snoring in his sleep.

I have to (always) remember that I’m married now. Why is it so hard to get used to changes?

Moving Out

Finally, I’m moving out to a new flat with my husband. It all came too suddenly. One room was vacant in my friend’s/colleague’s flat and she just innocently asked if I knew a couple who is looking for a room to rent and I quickly volunteered myself. And she gave it to me at a discounted price. Considering how much a room costs here in UAE, the price she gave us was reasonable enough. Everything is falling into place. J found a car lift from Abu Dhabi to Yas Island where he works. And I found us a room. I mean, a room found us, technically.

Staying in G’s flat whenever my husband is off from work is no longer an option. We need a place of our own. When I’m with my husband, it’s so hard to part with him. But when I’m in my flat, it’s so hard for me to think that I have to give up the comfort that I have. I’ve grown to love my own little corner, my roommates who are dear to me, the late night chat, jogging, the beach, my surroundings. But I’m married now and I have to live with my husband. Why is it so hard to be married?

When I was packing all my things, I wasn’t thinking that I’m finally leaving. My mind was preoccupied with the thought of how I can move all of my things on my own. J is at work and he won’t be home until 7pm. H was watching me pack my things and said she feels sad. I also feel sad to leave them. They’re like my sisters. But I have to go. H was kind enough to help me move out. Then J came just in time to take my remaining stuff to our new flat. The couple who owns the flat even helped us load our things in the taxi. I feel like I just left my family.

The room’s still a mess. I have to go back to clean and organize my stuff. For the meantime, we’re staying in G’s flat until we’re settled. The good thing is, G’s flat is just walking distance from our new flat so I think I’m still closer to home.

The things I have to sacrifice for a married life. What else is there?

 

 

Embracing Change

Okay, so I got booted out of Pediatric & Female Unit, where I started for over a year and where I made friends. My Nurse-in-Charge didn’t have much of a choice. If she will have me, she will have to give up one staff and so I decided to go instead.

I was thinking of requesting to transfer to a special area because that’s what I’ve always wanted ever since I started working as a Nurse. Wards suddenly bore me. It’s all routine. So my mind started choosing between NICU (because it’s near the Pediatric Unit), ICU or ER.

NICU – I don’t like changing baby’s nappies. I don’t like giving them milk every time they cry. Not that I don’t like babies. It’s just that, it’s not the kind of thing I wanted to do for work. I most specially don’t like to go to Maternity Unit just to catch babies from mothers giving birth. Although I’d love to become an expert in infant IV cannulation. Other than that, I don’t like NICU because I can’t bear to see critically ill babies.

ICU – WAS my first choice. I see ICU Nurses as smart and intelligent. But then I started thinking, I will care for the critically ill adult patients, those who look like a Christmas tree from all the contraptions attached to their bodies, and then everything will be just the same, a routine.

ER – I’m scared of ER Nurses. They all look like they’re always in a hurry or something. They look like they’re always on the go and if I just stand there thinking what to do next, I will just be getting in their way. You should be able to think and act fast or else a patient will die.

I chose ER.

Right. On my first day, the team leader oriented me on everything I need to know. I felt dizzy from too much information. I was always reprimanded to act fast and think fast. Whenever an ER Nurse comes rushing by, I just step out of the way. One time, the team leader told me to observe how they do the back-slabbing for a patient with multiple fracture, and the Ortho Doctor, who clearly didn’t know that it was my first day, told me, “Why are you just staring there? You are here and I don’t need anyone who just stares and does nothing. Open the crepe bandage!” So I quickly grabbed a crepe bandage and gave it to the Doctor.

I feel like I’m back to zero. I’m not that confident enough to compete with these expert ER Nurses. I need to study again.

But you know what, I love the adrenaline rush. Even if the Doctors or the patients are shouting at me, I feel that after some time, I will be able to bear it all and I will become as confident as the ER Nurses. The Nurses at the ER where I am now are all very nice to me and supportive of me, giving me tips on how to act fast and how to get used to different situations.

New friends, new colleagues, new environment. It’s a refreshing feeling.

I think I made some progress by stepping out of my comfort zone.

 

The Wonders of Vick’s Vaporub

I can’t tolerate bad smell. That’s a fact. When taking a taxi, I don’t have any idea which driver has a strong body odor, so it’s like taking chances, really.

One time, I rode a taxi and before my butt could even rest on the back seat, the driver’s smell nearly knocked me out. And I couldn’t back out. It would be rude.

Luckily, I brought my Vick’s vaporub with me which I quickly rummaged through my bag while holding my breath. At last when I found it, I inhaled it like an addict. The menthol in Vick’s temporarily blocked the driver’s strong odor. But then, the driver decided to rest both of his arms behind his head while waiting for the traffic light and my nose suddenly made a quick dive in to my Vick’s vaporub. I was practically inhaling the glob of Vicks. The driver must think I’m crazy or something. I feel like vomiting anytime so applied some Vick’s inside my nose then continued inhaling my pot of Vick’s. I don’t care how I looked or how shiny my nose is as long as I can breathe properly without the bad odor.

When I reached my destination, I almost fell down while trying to literally escape from the taxi.

It was one hell of a taxi ride.

Am I Really Married?

I’ve been married for…(counting) 18 days to be exact.

But I still don’t feel like I’m married. Is that normal?

Well, for my part, a day after the wedding, my husband had to drop me back to my flat because I have to go to work the next day and he had to go back to his accommodation also. Our living situation is too complicated that’s why I don’t want to elaborate further. Just like before, we only get to see each other when my day off coincides with his day off, otherwise, we’ll not be able to see each other.

When we went to this hotel for our honeymoon, the reservation was made under my husband’s name and the receptionist was asking for my husband’s original passport or Emirates ID. Since he’s still 4 months living in UAE, he still doesn’t have an Emirates ID and his original passport is with his company. So the receptionist told us that he will just transfer our reservation under my name. When everything was settled and I saw the receipt, the reservation was really under my name: MR. and MRS. GONZALES.

That’s also the thing. I can’t change my name and signature immediately because all of my identification are all under my “maiden” name. Whenever I try to sign something then realized I’m supposed to be using my husband’s name, my signature would looked funny as I’m signing RAGonIlagan. Why does everything turns complicated when a woman gets married?

We’re working out on living together. Seeing each other when our days off coincide is okay. It’s being apart after being together is what’s hard for us both.

I wonder how long it will take before I can finally feel that I’m really married?

Post-Wedding Update

Phew!

I got married.

Did I really?

Well, that’s what I felt after we said our vows, put the rings on our fingers, and kissed. Is that it?

I felt a kind of tingle when we’re both gazing into each others eyes while saying our vows, but was a little bit distracted when Gemma and my other witness started posing for the camera while we’re in the middle of saying I do, like, this moment has to be captured on camera and people will see that they’re a part of it.

The good thing about having an embassy wedding is that, we don’t have to conform to traditions. After the wedding, since it was still Ramadan at that time, we searched the place for an open food chain to order takeout. We woke up early and no one was able to eat something before heading to the embassy. I woke up early because my eyes were swollen from too much crying the night before, when I realized I’m getting married without my family on my side. So I had to press some ice cubes on my eyes for the swelling to subside, 2 hours before the wedding. The swelling did subside a bit and I don’t know how to put on make-up so I looked like I just woke up and decided to get married and headed straight to the embassy wearing a birthday girl dress. After searching for hours for an open food chain, we finally settled on Marrybrown, went back to Gemma’s flat.

We had to wait till after Iftar before we can proceed to our wedding dinner. So Jess and I started calling our family to update them on our wedding. I messaged my bestfriends on FB and everyone was happy for me (because probably I’m the only one left among the group who isn’t married yet) and I got numerous messages from other people (mostly relatives) telling me how surprised they were of learning that I got married without even a clue. One was even asking if it was just a spur of the moment thing that I decided to get married without informing my family and relatives. Whoa! Getting married is really that complicated, huh? I assured them that I will have my church wedding in the Philippines after 2 years and that they are all invited. Then came the replies of, “Why wait for 2 years? Blah, blah, blah!”

(Sigh!)

Makes me think twice of getting married in the church and inviting all of my relatives. I told my Mom that when I get married in the church, I will only invite a few of my relatives. I will only invite those who are close to me and I will get married somewhere far so that they will not be able to come. Damn FB…

Anyway, the wedding dinner was a blast. My wedding guests composed of friends and colleagues whom I only met here in UAE. I celebrated a very special day of my life with people whom I only met for barely more than a year, while the others I met for only months. Isn’t that amazing? And yet, these people became my family away from home. There was no wedding program whatsoever. Almost everyone has a SLR camera that’s why I didn’t have to hire a photographer. We received a lot of presents including our honeymoon venue. I nearly cried at the end of the dinner. I maybe miles away from home but my new friends made me feel like I’m home.

So that’s it for my post-wedding update.

Stress-Eating

Just when I’m about to get married, I’m eating like a Hungry Bird, ehehehe, lame joke. Seriously. When Jess and I go out and there’s no open restaurant (because it’s Ramadan), we end up going to the grocery store buying all the food we could get our hands on. It’s like going to a buffet restaurant filling up your plate with everything on the table. As they say, don’t go to the grocery store when you’re hungry because you’ll just end up buying food.

After stuffing my mouth with double chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, and sandwiches yesterday, I suddenly stopped and told Jess we should go jogging. We’re getting married in 2 days and here we are, competing on who will look the most bloated on our wedding day. So I dropped my nth cookie, changed into my jogging outfit, and ran like crazy.

It must be stress. Stress-eating? I’m not stressed because I’m marrying Jess. I’m stressed, I think, because of  the things we have to go through just to get married. It’s just an embassy wedding, I know. So what am I so fuzzy about? I don’t know. Maybe dealing with a lot of people, having to go through the phase of preparing to get married, or maybe I’m just thinking too much. Gemma said I’m not even having a church wedding yet and I’m acting like this is all too much. I know. Honestly, I’m a very private person. I don’t socialize much. I hate attending formal occasions. Imagine all the things I hate doing, I’m doing now just because. I’m used to being just the audience. Now I’m the center of attention. And that’s what’s making me nervous.

I will let you in on a secret. I have a terrible tantrum and that’s what I’m afraid of. When I don’t like how things work out, I throw a tantrum like a 3-year old kid, cry and act like somebody just messed with me and that you should do something to redeem myself or else I won’t stop crying till I get what I want. If I try to keep myself from crying, I’ll just pout and not say anything until someone asks me what’s wrong and that’s when I burst out crying.

I know, I’m making things too complicated. Tomorrow I’m getting married. My hair will cooperate with me and it will look perfect on my wedding day. My pimples will take a vacation and will leave my face spotless. My dress would still fit me despite the 3-day pigging out with junk food.  Tomorrow, I will be the prettiest bride at the embassy. Tomorrow, me and my friends are going to have fun on my after-the-wedding party. Tomorrow will be perfect.

I Left My Ears in my Pocket

I had another attack of deafness while endorsing a patient from ward to ICU and answering the Doctor’s questions. In between ambubagging while shifting the patient, my mind tried to focus on what the Doctor was asking.

ICU Doctor: Does he have any “EXCRETIONS?’

Me: Excretions doctor? Secretions? Yes doctor, too much secretions in the mouth.

The other nurses and healthcare team laughed.

Nurse 1: He said XRAY!

Me: Oh! Xray! Yes doctor, of course. It’s in the file.

ICU Doctor: Did he take any “ANTIEPILEPTIC” medication?

Me: EPIleptic? EPInephrine doctor! (Then I realized my mistake) No! Epinephrine is not for epilepsy doctor. We used it as stat epinephrine nebulizer doctor.

(I still haven’t answered the doctor’s question, have I?)

Then my colleague who went with me to ICU said, “No, Doctor! We didn’t give any ANAPHYLACTIC medication.”

Me: (whispered to colleague) Oh…ANAPHYLACTIC, is it? I really can’t understand his accent!

Oh, well.